College

It’s the End of 2016

Posted on by Thinking too much...

Well . . . this year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride, no matter whatever angle you choose to look at it from. Having begun the year in quite a bad shape both mentally and physically, it turned out to be not so bad after all. This year has been one surprise after another-good and bad, but I’ve learned so much from it. The numerous deaths, bird brained humans wielding a lot of power, numerous emotional breakdowns, disappointments and so much more.

I’m definitely no more the person I was a year ago. I’ve gotten better at talking to people which was very scary for me in the beginning. Having people around me that I can count on and call friends is also a good feeling. This year also had so many happy memories like, participating in a dance competition after many years, my first ever sleepover, first tattoo and a lot more.

All I want to say now to 2016 is – Thank you for helping me grow as a person and giving me a lot of new experiences and vivid memories to look back upon. Really hoping that there will be a lot of ‘positivity’ in the year ahead of us and I continue to grow and someday become a better human being. By the way, the motto that I’m gonna try and keep in 2017 is Crazy=Genius. I am surely going to try and be myself and accept the flaws that make me who I am. I will follow my heart more and stop overthinking so much and just go for it. And yes, Crazy=Genius is a Panic at the Disco Song that I love.

Eyeliner on fleek 

Posted on by Thinking too much...

Normally at least five minutes are spent on putting on decent eyeliner. But it never does turn out the way you want it to all the time. If you wanted to get a thin neat line what it ends up as, is exactly the opposite. Rubbing it off completely and then trying again whenever it becomes too thick makes you look like a panda. It comes with practice and also the way you feel at that moment, I guess.

Today the eyeliner came out super neat without me even trying. It was not intentional at all. The only thing I had to do is match one eye with the other. I did not mess up and It probably took me only two minutes. This day is the day that it looked so perfect that three different people at three different places and times complimented me on it. It made me happy. It is the tiny things that make me happy even though it comes in installments.

‘You look happy’

Posted on by Thinking too much...

Today a classmate looked at me for a moment and said, “You look different today.” I giggled and asked her what made her think so and she stopped and stared at me again (but in a nice way) and said, “You look fresh and you look happier than usual.”

This comment I found funny at that moment because I was feeling nowhere close to fresh then as I was sweating more than usual and felt quite tired because of having only a few hours of sleep and also all the last minute reading for the exam. I think it was probably the fact that my Psychology paper went better than I expected it to. But truly, what she said made my day. I’m happy that I look happy without even realizing it.

Half a bowl of thukpa and fun conversations

Posted on by Thinking too much...

Today was a pretty nice day.

I ate a samosa for breakfast and then got hungry in time for lunch. I walked down to the restaurant I usually go to, but this time alone. Doing this by myself for the first time is a good thing. The waitress already knew what I was about to order as I’ve been going to the same place for lunch for at least three continuous days, ordering the same thing everyday. Half a bowl of special chicken thukpa. It is a Tibetian dish with noodles in a reddish-spicy soup. Well, I agree that my description is not detailed enough. To understand what I mean, you must have a bowl of thukpa yourself. I managed to eat the entire half this time. It made me extremely happy. I can’t normally eat much, hence.

I had class till 4 pm and then went for a talk in college after which a few friends and I just sat in the corridor and had a chat about trivial things, it was quite fun though. It was not the usual crowd. We were there till late in the evening. Nobody actually wanted to leave the conversation. But alas, all good things come to an end even if you don’t want it to. It was nice to have company while waiting to get home for once. Well I hope such fun gatherings happen more often in the future.

Emptyish

Posted on by Thinking too much...

The feeling of sitting in a crowd and yet feeling so empty and alone returned today. Standing among a large crowd though you could see a few familiar faces, but not a single soul having noticed you. This is a way to familiar feeling. Looking up at the sky just to try and stop thinking about it.

I sat down on a stone slab glumly, until a friend noticed and decided to chat with you just because you were alone and he did not want you to sulk. You feel better not being alone with your thoughts. It’s a lot less dangerous when you are somehow occupied with something or anything at all and you are not just inside your head.

I really want to Sleep…

Posted on by Thinking too much...

I’ve been thinking an awful lot lately, unable to even fall asleep. When I finally do it’s almost time to wake up. Being so sleep deprived, having an opportunity to sleep later in the day but somehow unable to do so. Troubled thoughts, a busy day, classes at college till 4 and then getting home and falling asleep and not even realizing it. Woken up to eat dinner and then remembering that I had notes that are yet to be written before tomorrow’s class. Hoping to be able to fall asleep early tonight because of the busy schedule waiting tomorrow.

So Much Work…

Posted on by Thinking too much...

Sleep deprived and having so much to do before you fall asleep again is difficult. It’s just a phase where everything around you makes your head spin. The fact that my laptop is broken is making me go crazy and how fatal it seems to not have one now when I need to do all my assignments. Using an old laptop whose keypad does not work any more and one that requires an external keyboard to be attached to it to make it functional is so very tedious. That is how I did my portfolio too, every other recent assignment. What’s most difficult is when you have a time constraint and you panic because you feel like you won’t make it. I’m not complaining but it’s just what it is.

Disappointed

Posted on by Thinking too much...

I really, really wanted to go to college today. Being in college makes me feel much better than when I’m stuck in bed at home. There are always people around, most of the time. I have a lot of people I can talk to.

I packed my bag and even decided on the clothes I wanted to wear and kept it ready on a hanger near my bed. My body functioning is not normal. When the sun came up and I opened my eyes, the first thing that I did was throw up. My body was feeling so weak and the pain just continued to increase. I tossed and turned a lot and wasn’t able to get up again. I somehow managed to fall asleep to ease the pain. When I woke up it was already 2 pm and I couldn’t do anything about it. Right now I feel terrible, I wanted to be in college. There was a talk I was to attend and also my attendance levels are going to drop. I never wanted this. I really wish I was at college right now, among all the nice people there who look at me and smile.

Naach Basanti Naach

Posted on by Thinking too much...

How does one define dance? It means different things to different people. It could be following a particular series of steps to the rhythm of music, or it could be just going with the flow and having fun.

Walking around college asking a few students about what dance meant to them proved how varied it is. Akilesh one of the members of the college dance team said, “I don’t just like dance, I love it. I dance to express my emotions and it helps to get out my anger. I also love to choreograph dance. I prefer dancing to melodious and sentimental kind of music.”

Expressing emotions are one of the common things that dance helps one to do: happiness, sadness, anger or frustration. Just dancing it out helps (most of the time).

Sharon another student in college says, “I like dancing when I’m extremely happy. I would dance anywhere as long as the music is loud and exciting like ‘nak muka’.” When asked if she would dance if a lot of people are watching she smiled and replied, “Maybe. If I know the people in the crowd, then definitely yes.” She also adds that she would dance to all kinds of music except slow romantic. Amala her classmate, nods in agreement and said that dancing makes her happy too.

The kind of music one prefers to dance to, differs from person to person, as one especially prefers dancing to slow music while the other will completely disagree and dance only if there is fast upbeat music.

In the crowded canteen sat Tresa George who had this to say about dance, “I dance because it makes me happy and I wouldn’t dance if I were among people I’m unfamiliar with.” When asked what kind of music she would dance to she smiled and said, “I have learnt Salsa so … something like that.”

Some have learnt whatever form of dance they like by going for classes whereas others watch videos on TV or on the internet and pick up different steps. There are some that are born with the ability to dance and a few who have two left feet.

When I asked Zyno the college treasurer for his opinion about dance he said, “I like dancing but only at DJ nights. I dance only if there is really good music playing. I like dancing to death metal and typical south Indian music.”

Astha Sharma said, “I like dancing but mostly alone. I dance if I’m in a good mood. It doesn’t matter where I am but provided I’m with strangers as I cannot dance when I’m around people I know. I would dance to anything that is upbeat even if it had the saddest lyrics. I could think up dance routines for songs in my head but knowing I would never be able to dance the same way.”

I also did ask every one of the people I spoke to about what they thought about item numbers in contemporary movies. While Amala and Zyno said that these songs were fun and entertainment, Akilesh said, “It doesn’t have the beauty as on stage.” Tresa, on the other hand, talks about how there is good dancing but at the same time, women are being objectified. Amala also talks about how women are expected to show more skin if it is an item number. Astha decides to term them as sleazy and wished they had higher standards.

Dance to me means a lot of various things. My day is never complete without dance, it may be just a small twirl or a flicking of my wrist but dance is part of me. I dance when I’m happy, where I would do whatever steps come to mind and just have fun with it. Whereas when I dance while I’m upset it would be slower and more contemporary like.

I’ve loved dancing ever since I was a kid and am sure I will continue to dance forever. But I have a fear of people and find it hard to dance when I’m around people known or unknown. My dancing depends on the way I feel at that very moment. I would like to just let go of all that I have in my mind sometimes and just dance. I feel that’s the best kind of dance. I don’t think that dance always needs music to exist. Dance is present anywhere and everywhere, even in our routine day to day movements. The various forms of dance that are seen today is numerous, making one question how dance is even defined. I must conclude by saying, “Haan, jab tak hai jaan main naachoongi …”